1.4 | Winter Is Coming

Days were passing like minutes once I’d found a natural rhythm. Eat, work, play, sleep, repeat. It hadn’t gotten boring yet, and I hoped it didn’t anytime soon. I wasn’t quite happy yet, but I supposed I was content. Even though each day passed in loneliness because each day reminded me of Ginger, it was better than being a cold ghost buried in the ground. I certainly couldn’t – and wouldn’t – complain.

Playing guitar in the park became a favourite hobby of mine. I would usually end up there any time it was sunny and I wasn’t busy. It was the middle of fall and the weather was usually perfect. I also visited the gym some more, determined not to let that be a “one time thing.”

I received my second letter from Ginger, as well. I won’t lie – receiving an envelope with my dead wife’s name listed as the return was shocking and daunting even though I knew to expect it. I took it inside and sat down to read it.

“Jin,

By the time you get this letter, I’ll assume that you’re settling into your new life and getting the hang of things all over again. I hope that it’s coming easy for you. I hope that you’re making friends, and I hope that you’re making a decent living. The thought of you living in poverty kills me. No pun intended. Ha! If you ever need anything, you are to contact Alestair immediately. I paid him well just so he would be your very own personal one man 911.

I hope that my letters help you to say goodbye to me once and for all. That’s what they’re meant to do. They’re not meant to make you miss me. They’re meant to help you let go.

They’re also meant to help you forgive me.
Yours, Ginger.”

Forgive you for what, Ginger? I thought. For dying? For forcing me to live another life, but without you? I sighed and folded the letter up neatly, depositing it in my dresser drawer with the other.

I don’t think I can do that, love.

One night I was out cleaning up some newspapers – I made a mental note to either make a habit of reading them, or cancel them altogether – when a chilly wind blew up that made me shudder. Winter was getting closer and the thought made my teeth chatter. But how bad could winter in Lucky Palms be? It was technically a desert, after all.

I got a promotion at work, which was great, but it also meant I was working more and working harder. I didn’t mind though. I still had enough energy at the end of the work day to paint and play guitar for a little while.

One Friday after my promotion, I started to feel a little adventurous - emphasis on the word “little.” I had gotten better at cooking, but I was starting to get sick of having the same thing for dinner every night, so I decided I would go out to eat. There was a nice diner just down the street from work and their sign out front always advertised great sounding meals for cheap.

I went there and had steak and eggs for dinner, with a slice of pie for dessert. It was the best thing I’d eaten since being alive again.

I was leaving when I ran into Sammi, the woman who had come to welcome me to the nighbourhood my first day in Lucky Palms. I waved at her, and felt relieved that she recognized me.

“Hey Jin!” She called out, walking over to me.

“Hi,” I said, offering her a small smile. Having a job had made me less anti-social, thankfully, although I still got nervous around people sometimes.

“It’s nice to see you. How are you liking Lucky Palms so far?” She asked me.

“It’s great. I like it a lot.” I said, then proceeded to fill her in on getting a job and hanging out at the park a lot. Saying it aloud, it sounded kind of lame. Like, oh hey, I work and then troll the park, and that’s pretty much my life. How about you? Oh well. I never said I wasn’t a dork.

“That sounds great! I’m glad you like it here.” She told me, smiling. I got the feeling she was being flirty again which wouldn’t end well. She was nice and kind of pretty, but I still wasn’t over Ginger. I didn’t think I ever would be.

Thankfully, it started to rain, which saved me from having to awkwardly divert the conversation away from flirtation. We said goodbye, and Sammi ran to the diner while I whistled for a cab to take me home.

By the time I got home, the rain had stopped, but the air was left significantly colder. Winter was definitely here, which bummed me out. However, I found that my sculpting kit had arrived and that made me feel better. I had special ordered it the day I got my promotion – I’d always wanted to try my hand at sculpting, so I figured “why not?” I unpacked it outside – it was way too big to keep in my small house – and then headed inside to get out of the cold.

I took a quick shower – I smelled like greasy diner food – and then headed to my easel to paint for a while before bed.

I approached my easel, taking in the sight of the unfinished painting I had begun the day before. I caught a glimpse of something out of the corner of my eye and that’s when I looked at my window – it was frosted over from the cold, but I could make out the distinct appearance of someone standing there, looking in at me! I stifled a scream before I changed into warmer clothing and dashed out the door.

To my surprise, I found Sammi standing there. I breathed a sigh of relief, but also felt annoyed. I liked her as a friend, but I was beginning to wonder if she was even worth me being nice to after this.

“Sammi!” I called out to her and she turned around. She had dressed warmer, too.

“Jin!” She said. “I was looking for you!”

“I can see that.” I said, not trying to hide the annoyance in my tone. “How often do you go around peeping into peoples’ windows?”

Sammi looked taken aback. “Jin, I’m sorry! I tried knocking but you didn’t answer and …”

“And?” I asked, crossing my arms over my chest.

“I just wanted to know if you were home.” She huffed, before reaching into her sweater pocket and pulling something out. She held it up so I could see and then I felt like a jerk. “You left your wallet at the diner. The waitress saw me talking to you and asked if I could give it back.”

I hadn’t even realized I’d forgotten my wallet. I felt like crap for accusing her the way I had. She handed me the wallet and I sighed. “Sammi, I’m … I’m sorry. I thought …”

She held up her hand, offering a smile. “It’s fine. I mean, now that I think about it, I probably did look like a nutcase. But I didn’t just want to leave your wallet in the mailbox or something, and I figured you needed it.”

“I do. Thank you.” I told her. “Hey, why don’t you come inside and warm up? It’s freezing out here.”

She nodded and I lead her inside, both of us grateful to be out of the cold.

“Wow, I didn’t know you were a painter!” Sammi said, admiring the canvas on my easel.

I shrugged sheepishly. “Yeah, it’s always been a passion of mine.” I admitted. “I sell some down at the consignment shop and make decent money from it.”

“That’s amazing!” Sammi smiled. “Hey, you should check out the art gallery here in the town. They have some really great displays out right now.”

“Yeah?” I thought it over. I hadn’t been to a gallery since my first life, and I wouldn’t mind seeing some new pieces. “I’d like that.”

“I can go with you if you want,” Sammi offered with a smile. “You being new and all, it’s gotta be weird in a new town.”

“It is.” I said, and I did think it would be nice to go with her, but I knew I had to clear the air. “Sammi, listen … I’m … well, sometimes I get the feeling that you’re flirting with me, and I’m  … I’m flattered, really, but …” I sighed. I felt like I was sounding like a total jerk again. “I mean, I’m not trying to act like I’m all that or anything cos I don’t think I am, it’s just that I do really like you as I friend, but I’m not looking to date anyone right now because I’m …”

Sammi laughed. “Let me stop you right there, Jin.” She said, “I’m married.”

My eyes widened. “Um. What?”

She laughed again. “Yes, I’m married. And you’re cute, but not my type. All I want to be is your friend.” She told me, and added to that by presenting me with a bouquet of yellow roses to symbolize friendship.

I breathed a sigh of relief again and then laughed nervously. “Well, make that twice in one night I’ve felt like a jackass.”

“Aw, don’t worry about it.” Sammi said, laughing. “Okay, I should go. But call me if you don’t mind going on a friend-date to the gallery, okay?”

“I will.” I said, and I did think I would. I could use a friend or two. I walked her to the door and we said our goodnights. By then, I was too tired to finish my painting so I went upstairs and passed out in my bed.